You know what? Home Sweet Hell pissed me off. The name alone is annoying. Home is something we all know and love. And hell. Yeah, hell. This movie was more like hell. I'm not really sure where I was going with that, but you get the idea. When I was first approached to review this movie I got excited because I figured this was something I could lend my grandma to watch. Yep, that's right, I let my grandma borrow screeners. Sue me.

That being said, you'd have to pay me a substantial amount of money to get me to sit through this one again, and you'd have to pay me even more to ask my grandma to watch this. I'd never subject my sweet old grandma to such torture. Firstly, she'd be really upset with Katherine Heigl's career choices. I can hear it now, "Jessie, what is Izzy doing to herself?" That's Heigl's character from Grey's Anatomy for those trying to keep up. And secondly, I don't want to be in debt to her. I know my grandma. She'd consider her taking out time between game shows, to watch this trash, a chore. And Lord knows what she'd ask me to do to return the favor. No grandma, I don't want to pull weeds... it's Saturday.

Don Champagne, Patrick Wilson, seems to have it all but when his wife, Mona played by Heigl, learns of Don's affair with the pretty new salesgirl, Mona will stop at nothing to maintain their storybook life. So yes, its that age old story... guy is married. Guy gets bored. Wife is annoying. Guy hires hot chick. Guys cheats on wife with new hot chick. Hot girl gets pregnant. Wife wants to murder hot chick. Perhaps I'm just not in the right place in my life for this one, but if I got anything out of this, I'm even more depressed about getting older than I ever thought I could be. Mona is so obsessed with creating a perfect family image that its frightening. If French discussions around the dinner table doesn't scare you then maybe scheduling bedroom romps will. If this is a sign of things to come, please kill me now.

So what's good about the movie? Honestly, not much. Again, if I wanted to see what my neighbors were up to, I'd just look out the window. However, I can say that the real highlight of the film is A.J. Buckley. Buckley plays Murphy, who many would consider the villain of the film, and despite not having as much screen time as I'd have liked, he does well with what he is given. That's it. He shows up, does a good job and leaves. Are you disappointed yet?

In the end, Home Sweet Hell is way more shitty than I ever could have expected. The trailer is extremely misleading, and what starts out as a promising idea quickly becomes a misguided mess. Heigel is irritating, Wilson is misused and Jim Belushi does the worst impression of John Goodman I've ever seen. You can't act, Jim. I'll never understand why ABC gave you a show. I seriously want to know, who owed who money? Anyway, back to the movie, don't watch it. Rent Gone Girl instead, my grandma actually liked that one.

HOUSE KEEPING:

Ardent Public Relations, please start sending me movies that don't make me want to stab my eyes with hot coals. Did you guys actually sit down and watch this? If so, what'd you think? I genuinely want to know. Because if you did like it, we really need to reevaluate our relationship. By the way, I left a box of your things in the driveway. Feel free to swing by and pick it up when you're in the area. It's not you, it's me.

Jessie Hobson

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